Friday, July 10, 2009


Our lives consist of seasons. There are the gentle joys and beauties of spring; the boundless, exuberant excitement in our summers; times of peace and quiet in fall; and then there are the winters we face. It seems as though my family has been in a winter season since the beginning of the year, at least. There is such a prevailing atmosphere of sadness and despair it nearly suffocates me.
Even in winter, there are pleasures tho - when I am at home and my children are laughing and playing and Darren is by my side, it's like a nice warm fire or a freshly fallen snow. But when I lift my eyes and take in the scene of my family, I see the bleakness of winter - the trees are bare, the sky is gray, and the air chills me to the bone. Some of the sorrow is of a physical nature, some comes by consequence of poor decision, and others just seem to be an endless cycle of despair that doesn't break. I feel helpless as I watch. I pray. I know God hears, but things happen in His time, not mine. I keep looking for signs of spring. I think sometimes I can catch a glimpse of blue sky or a whisper of warmth in the air but it fades quickly - leaving me to wonder if maybe I just imagined it to be so.
How long can a winter last? I am afraid maybe some people's lives only consist of winter...and that crushes my heart in sadness. I count myself blessed beyond measure. I have four healthy children and a husband who has been faithful and loving to me for 12 years. While gardening, milking, and homeschooling are sometimes hard work, there is pleasure and satisfaction to be found. I sometimes panic when the whirlpool around me edges more closely and I am reminded of the man in Mark 9:24 who said to Jesus "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." There was a time that I didn't understand how those two small sentences could stand together. I figured either you believe or you don' could he say both. But my time of understanding has dawned. I know what the man was saying. And I say it along with him now. "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."

1 comment:

  1. well my dearest daughter michelle; as i sat here reading this; i' thinking there may be a cloud over one sunbeam in the darkest of winter, BUT that sunbeam is still there, i just have to wait and trust in the GOD i love and serve; through HIS SON-beam; knowing that the cloud will pass on by and i will by the assurance i have in HIS promise i've read in HIS word the Bible-He will works things out according to HIS plan; for those thats have accepted and believe on HIS name; so i may walk in the shadow of clouds and cold dark places BUT i know the SON will shine in my days again-so i tell myself; live in this day, yesterday is past, and tomorrow may never come, so i will do what i can in this day and then if i have a tomorrow i will do what i can in that day. AND don't stress the small stuff; see what is major events to us is just a 2+2=4 to GOD. each event makes me hate the devil and what i see he can do in ANY persons life and grow stronger in my belief that i MUST cling to JESUS as my shepherd PSALMS 23 {my very favorite place in the whole Bible} and HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND MINE. and last but not least michelle-- GOD gave you to me to be one of my 4 sunbeams and you seem to always be the one shinning on me; each cloud has 6 sunbeams you, darren, malachi, jacob, sarah and wee isach, so it seems these sunbeams are always right over me and i can rest assured i will see joy and happiness when i just look at any of you. some day the other 2 beams will shine bright also just a matter of waiting on the season. i love you michelle and i thank God daily for you