If you do not care about my personal drama, please....do not continue reading. If you have no interest in the fact that I am a milk maid and it has come to my attention that I have a goat allergy, read a different post. Seriously. Because in this post, I intend to rant. And scream. And maybe even stomp my feet. And cross my arms. Heck, I might even do something crazy... like, go to bed without washing my face and putting on moisturizer.....or mismatch all the socks when I fold laundry...
You're still here. I tried to tell you....but, since you won't listen...well, it serves you right.
It all started about three and a half weeks ago. Well, no...that's not quite right. Thing is, it began way back in the year ------ dang it, I don't know the year. I hate it when that happens. You see? I'm already ranting and I have not yet hit on the thing that has my knickers in a knot. That just goes to show you how irritated I am. By the way, there is still time to turn back. You really don't have to get sucked into my drama...
Okay, about five or six years ago, we bought our first goat. A Nigerian Dwarf. (Because we wanted a small milk goat and had heard that these were good, small milkers... can I just say if you can't milk a straw, don't try to milk a Nigerian Dwarf...I'm done now...) I noticed when I held her that I got these welts on my skin that itched. Curious. Okay...I shrugged it off as simply the hair irritating my skin a little. This has continued to happen since that time with different goats. But, it's been minor. Mostly on my arms or hands. Never anything major. And truly, I don't think it happened with every single goat.
Then my new baby goat, Shivers, was born. I helped him into this world. Heck, he probably wouldn't have been born had I not gave that little tug on his head and made sure his mouth was cleaned out. I mean, that was major...that was like ...Nevermind. We all know his mother could've done it without me. I guess...
When Shivers was a couple of days old, I was holding him and since he was *shivering* I held him up under my chin and was snuggling him. He was so cute...and soft...and my sweet little goat. Ahhhhhh....
I returned to the house and was going about my business when I started sneezing uncontrollably. My head got all congested, my nose stopped up, and then.... **THEN** I noticed that my eyes were swelling. OH THE HORROR! At the corners... my bottom lid was puffing up and meeting the likewise puffed up top lid. Freaky. I immediately panicked, of course. How could I google WebMD and read about all the symptoms and possible outcomes that I was going to experience? WebMD really comes in handy when you have a symptom. I mean, truly...I'm relatively sure, based on my various symptoms, that I have had at least two heart attacks and a severely enlarged prostate. (*smile*)
Anyway, my BFF, my sidekick... the one who knows so much dirt on me I'll have to be her friend forever and ever....quickly suggested that I take Benadryl. Oh. Yeah. Good thinking! That's way better than amputation. Whew... So, I took the Benadryl and was subsequently knocked out for a bit but when I came to, I realized that contrary to free internet medical advice, I was going to live after all.
Around this time, I got a cold....or some sinus stuff ...or something going on. I took cold medicine, Mucinex, allergy medicine, grandma's hard liquor... whatever I thought would work. Only nothing did. I was congested, my chest was tight, I was constantly coughing, and my energy level was dropping faster than bad guys in a Bruce Lee movie. So, I got fed up, darn it. And I went to the doctor.
She opened her mouth and said, "You have ...."
"Yes" I said, "...a respiratory infection..which is being aggravated by my goat." (Remember, I've read WebMD....I'm practically a licensed medical professional. I have four kids. That's on the job training, right?)
She rolled her eyes at me. No. You have a goat allergy. Period.
And then I told her about the swollen eye episode.
And that is where the allergy specialist was mentioned. Dang again.
And then she said anaphylactic shock. DANG.
So, I now have an inhaler...allergy meds...and a scheduled visit with an allergist near the end of the month. Which annoys me, if you must know. I mean, dang! I'm a milk maid. I milk the goat. It's what I do. I have goats. How in tarnation can I be allergic to goats? Well, I told her right then and there, that I would not be selling my milk goat. I argued with her to give me a different diagnosis. She was firm.
So, now you are a part of my personal drama. You are obligated to see this thing through. I won't let you walk away now. If I am forced to have an allergy, well, then you're going to have to listen to me rant about it.