1) You lean over in church to pick something off the floor and bang your head on the pew in front of you so hard your eyeballs do a hallelujah dance. (normally, you're leaning over to pick up one of those chocolate chip grips almost crushed so that the smell of chocolate is more intense and wafts up to tantalize your stomach that is empty because you have to choose between eating and putting on clothes to actually be there on time..and being that it's church, as opposed to say, WalMart, you kinda need clothes)
2) You are walking through the mall, texting your best friend something of the up most importance, like say, the fact that you really have to pee and the bathroom is on the other side of the mall....and nearly take out a six foot transparent sign in the middle of the mall walkway. When I say "take out" the sign, I mean run straight in to it...face first, straddling it, eating the sign. (in my defense, the sign was TRANSPARENT... my peripherals didn't pick up on it quickly enough)
3) You walk out of the rain into a gas station wearing flip flops and PURPOSELY wipe your feet on the mat because you KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE how slippery they are when wet.. you step off the mat, and BAM!! You're on your bum...and you can't quit laughing...and you have to pee.... and .... the cashier is still laughing when you finally make your way to the front.
4) You are in the passenger seat, going down the road, enjoying the breeze coming in through the open window, when suddenly out of nowhere, something hits the antennae and comes flying in the window and lands in your lap. To your horror, you look down and see....A FREAKIN BIRD...LYING IN YOUR LAP. seriously. I can't be the only one that's happened to...right? RIGHT?? And then I'm paralyzed. Because there's a bird.in.my.lap. I mean, what do you do with that?
5) You raise goats. You milk goats. One day, you help birth a goat. And you snuggle him, and hold him, and call him your very own ...George. And then your face swells, your eyes get puffy, and you realize you are allergic to goats... How can you develop an allergy to something you do every day of your life?.... and so you check into Michelin Man commercial opportunities ...because everyone knows you don't let a good swelling go to waste.
I'm going to stop here, because if I don't, I will be tempted to share my favorite example of supreme "ROCK" epitome at the OB/GYN office. And I'm not sure either of us want that. But, it was funny. Super funny. Maybe if I see you out, I'll tell you.